I think a lot of people have been there.
I was a few years ago, but luckily recognised the early signs and got out - he made me feel inadequate and stupid, and that for me was a reason not to continue the relationship. It never really went further than some verbal put downs and niggling doubts, oh, apart from when we went out, he got drunk and knocked me down in the middle of a road . Luckily his lovely older brother helped me to drag myself out of the road before a car came. I never worked out whether it was by fault or design. I'd rather not know. It took me a while to realise what was happening and most of that realisation happened when we had finished the relationship. I think it came with age, and experience and listening to other people and what they went through. While they may have gone through physical abuse, it had to start somewhere.
My current OH may be a bit unromantic sometimes, or takes me for granted from time to time, but bullying and controlling is something he is absolutely not In fact it would probably be the other way round
