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Me again, I wrote this for my Facebook page, but thought it would be appreciated here too, please excuse the reference to an old work colleague! It is over. My beloved wife left the world at 21.20 Monday evening. She slipped into unconsciousness late Saturday evening and her passing from this world was quiet and without pain. Her given names were Andrea Susan but she never used the name Andrea, to most people she was “Sue” Though on a memorable occasion she was greeted by a raucous crowd of work colleagues with a roar of Mrs.Phil! She loved that, and the boozy hug given to her by one Gavin Teal! To her children Mandy and Mark she was “Mum”, to her Grandchildren Aidan, Abby and Jamie she was “Nana Sue” but to me for longer than I remember and no matter how old we had become she was always “Suzie” She wasn’t religious but liked the idea that Terry Pratchett put forward in one of his Discworld books that what came after life was what you believed in. In which case my Suzie would not have walked through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, she would have ridden hard and fast through it into the Light… and she would have been astride a great white horse… named Binkey! “Go Not Gently into the Night” is a motto Sue kept since her initial diagnosis eight years ago. She made up her mind what she wanted to do with her life and stuck to it, sometimes against what the medics had advised. She gained respect from the clinical staff and Consultants and over the last three weeks this has been repeated several times with them saying “I have read your wife’s notes, she is a strong, determined and intelligent woman” This had also been said to her at various times too, though her usual answer was “You mean that I have got Bloody Awkward Woman written down somewhere” If my wife has left any legacy to this world other than to her family it will be that maybe she has made some of the medical world realise that the patient does have a voice and that it should be listened to. That they need to make the patient aware that they have a choice and give the alternatives, and once that choice has been made it should be respected. I now find it hard to believe that I have been married for nearly twenty nine years and that I had known her for several years before that, it seems to have gone by so fast. I remember everything as if it was yesterday. At one time in my life I felt that I would never meet somebody, and although I had loved before it was my Suzie who was the “One” She was my world, and although Paloma Faith sang it with a different meaning, it is true that “Only Love Can Hurt Like This” I never knew the true meaning of being Broken Hearted until now. In keeping with her wishes there will not be a funeral service, simply a cremation with no one in attendance. However there are two songs that she felt appropriate and maybe if you have time you will listen to them. “Into the West” by Annie Lennox “Somewhere” by Runrig I would like to add the following love song for my Lady Love I would like to Thank all those that have given me their support over the years I cannot start to tell how much it has meant to me. I will also like to thank the staff in the EMU and Elmton ward at the Chesterfield Royal and also all at the Ashgate Hospice, where Sue was treated with care and compassion for the last few weeks of her life. I will end this post with the words that were written on my last birthday present to her: Loved you yesterday Love You still always have always will.

the rain is muffled too, dont have to shut the door to think lol

Lewis likes the new roof, it has changed it completely. I can have all the curtains open so I have 3 times the amount of light, but not burning my eyes. Very happy Hope you are all ok. Have a nice safe day xx

the dark roof is brilliant. I dont have to close the curtains, but the sun isnt burning my eyes

Wheels are back on the road again.

all done, and they put the units back, so will soon be full out there again and less indoors

its threatening to rain again, washing the garden, saves me doing it went to tescos then the charity shop, wanted a bin to put this big bag of food in, got one for £2 so saved me going elsewhere

Been to the garden centre. 3 clematis, 3 lupins, pulmonaria to go on with. Trying to hail here. but not as cold as it has been.

My oldest is 25 may 88

Just seen on facebook that they had snow in Derbyshire today. Winter is still letting us know it has not gone away yet. When my son was born 25 May 1975 it was snowing, I came home on Monday in freezing temperatures and by Friday we had a heatwave that lasted until the middle of August. I had to hang the nappies out overnight to prevent them drying brick hard.

the blind foster has been adopted by his new fosterer. He runs on the beach and in big fields. Got dogs to play and snuggle with. Im so happy for him I realised at 2am, that when the surgeon said op in may, this is may! ooo

Good luck little pigeon. I rescued one from a sparrowhawk the other day. Managed to chase it away before it done any real damage and luckily the pigeon flew off, minus a few feathers. Dry here today and the sun is trying to burn through but it's chilly. Off to clean my filthy kitchen, I may be some time lol. Hope everyone's day is more interesting than mine xx

It was lovely sunny, blue skied early morning here but quickly changed to cloudy and then the rain came at lunch time. It is still raining. It is also cold. Where did summer go? had a meal out with the family on Saturday. First one after easing of lockdown and very enjoyable. It was busy. No alcohol inside so some hardy souls were sitting outside with their winter coats on to enjoy a drink. I have a raised bed installed in the garden so hope to go to the garden centre this week to buy some plants for it. I avoided last week as it was the first week you could sit in the cafe. It has a very good and very popular cafe so would be mobbed. Similarly, bank holiday weekend would be the same so mid week it is.

morning all have a very nice day any way you would like it xxx

Our visiting hedgies eat the food our messy birds chuck down on the lawn. Really huge one out having a feast last night.

you can have a warm day if you want one, ill give choices in future lol

Lewis took mouse out. She found a mud puddle and dived in. Her, lewis, drenched. So hes gone home ready to peel off the stinking clothes and have a shower. Ive showered mouse so now have to mop and clean everywhere

having my shoulder op next month, if I can get through the pre op check

so someone was wanting his dinner, and got hemp. Might not taste the same lol

Yes, it looks good. I might get it trimmed down a bit further on the top, but will let it settle down first and see how it looks. My mechanic says it looks very nice, his garage is next door to the salon and he saw me coming out. I spoke to the Hemp people again as had no reply to emails, and got someone much more knowledgeable. Apparently they don't pack their own, the supplies are held by a distribution warehouse in Grimsby which services other food suppliers. They have obviously mixed orders up. Helpful hemp man has passed my mobile on to the right person to deal with it. Backed into my drive and was alarmed by an intermittent knocking noise at rear of van. Thought something had gone wrong. Stopped van and the knocking continued. It was only one of the naughty sparrow family who keep trying to get into the van and actually spent one night in there when I left window open a tad. It had settled on the rear window wiper while I was reversing and was hammering away. Some of the birds around the owlery are a bit strange.

I used to make mirrors for catalogues. We got a return one time, it was a garden hose lol

I wonder if a staff member is now wondering what they did with the Indian ketchups they bought? 😀

Hello everybody, I know from having read your replies to my posts that you wish to know what is happening with Sue. I was speaking to a doctor yesterday (on Sue's phone) and he advise me that a sepsis alert had been given yesterday morning. She had a high heart rate, high temperature and low blood pressure. They had given her a drug to reduce the heart rate and AB's as well and this had stabilised her. He then spoke to me about Sue's wish to stop all treatment other than pain relief. I told him that Sue had made her wishes clear to me in the past that if ever she got to the point where she couldn't take any more she would choose this option. I asked the Dr. if it was as I thought that it was close to zero that Sue would ever function again as she did prior to this latest episode, and that if she was likely to stay as she was until something terminal happened it was her choice to stop treatment now and that her children and I support her choice. Mandy got involved with the hospital and Sue is now in a peaceful side room on her own and is likely to stay there unless they get an influx of cases that need to be isolated. She has also been given unlimited visiting rights. Her son, Mark, drove up from the south coast yesterday afternoon and saw her as he got here. He has seen her today and will again tomorrow to say his goodbyes before he goes home. Sue had her last IV antibiotics last night, and I spoke to another Dr. today regarding what happens now. In terms of palliative care they will keep her on morphine and if at any point she become distressed they will add some form of sedation. He said that if a bed was available if she wished she could be moved to the local hospice which is less "clinical" and more peaceful that a hospital environment. That will be up to Sue to decide what she wants to do. I am so sorry to have to tell you that Sue is now entering the final part of her life, the Dr. advised there is no way of telling how long this will last. From my heart I hope it is sooner rather than later, though it will break me. I think this will be the last update until I have the duty to tell you she has passed from this world into the whatever lies beyond. All I can say is, and this for anybody who read Terry Pratchett, there had better be a white horse called Binky! Now we wait..

all done, took minutes

lol the trousers fit so happy there, and in the wardrobe, not in bags, but ive filled the space with loo rolls lol

Havent posted for a long time now , i just lurk. Just want suzeanna to know i am thinking of her and all her family. Ive been following her story hoping she'd be ok. Rachael xx

I had a message from Phillip on facebook a short while ago - nothing other than what he already shared on here. Like all of you I have offered whatever support that I can and told her that I am keeping her in my thoughts. I really do hope that she can come home and at least have the summer with Philip and the family.

Lovely here too, warm and sunny. I am getting my hair cut this afternoon 😁

I would like you to put in your diary, I have had a shower and washed my hair, first time in about 6months thank youuuuuuu

And did Jake say 'ooh you look like me' lol. Hope Lewis' car isn't too bad Jazz. Lovely warm and sunny day here today. Took the dogs to the beach for a good old run around this morning so they just chilled out in the garden for the rest of the day. Fingers crossed for a peaceful evening. My new greenhouse has arrived. A friend of Richard's is coming round tomorrow to help him put it together so none of you lot listen in as there will be much swearing involved lol. Can't wait as all my window ledges are full and the tomato plants 2' high. Even the mini greenhouse is full to overflowing. I may have got a bit carried away with seeds and plants this year.....

You had an eventful morning, Jazz. I have painted the second coat on my shed , apart rom the high up bits. My son will do them as I do not have the balance to reach around doing it. It is like a summer day here.

Liked my hair cut , that makes a change. Jazz, I have soups, porridge, custard etc. but I have been given a throat spray and mouthwash which both are painkillers, plus some liquid thing that numbs the whole of your gullet so I might have no appetite, but I should be able to swallow without feeling as if I'm swallowing razor blades. They've warned me the effects from the rt will last at least 7 to 9 days and get worse, and then of course on Friday, the dreaded chemo. You might not hear much from me for a bit.

darling elwood has decided to grab the mail, so letter box cage is on its way

Well I can safely say that was the worst night of my life, never known pain like itI I hope its the radio working as if not something is very very wrong Cant even touch type my right hand wont work. Woe woe thrice woe

I dont know what was on the womans car but it caused a small hole through the moulded bumper. because of that, it needs a whole new one, so going through the womans insurance

always here for you hun xxx cant believeit. a woman hit lewis's car while i was having a blood test, the post office has moved so nearly killed me walking there, them the fire alarms went off in asda, had to be at the back of the shop at the time, just got outside when they said we can go back in

A lady I talk to, have a 1 year old, born in the lockdown, so has never seen people outside. People were walking outside, hes having panic attacks seeing people

did I tell you the rescue failed me because I foster for other rescues? I gave her my opinion on that, deleted the group. she has just come back grovelling, they have overturned the decision, so she has my opinion on that! We shall see...