Elaine

Morning. I am definitely taking a sicky today. I feel dreadful. I feel like my head might explode and I'm sweating buckets Hardly slept last night because I was too hot/too cold/coughing too much. Urgh.

I think it is a bank holiday here tomorrow, but because I work in the timeshare lodge office, it doesn't close for holidays. They knew I was coming down with this cold thing last week, as most of them have already had it, so no problem looking for a valid excuse. I won't get paid if I don't work though, that's the only thing. But I'm thinking I need my duvet more than I need the money right now.

A man has just told me I look gorgeous. Obviously he wasn't looking at me on webcam, as my eyes look like wee holes in the snow, my spots are rampant (just started a course of strong antibiotics to try and help that little problem), my nose is red from excessive blowing, my hair's out of control and I basically look like a manky old minger. I feel so awful that I'm considering phoning in sick tomorrow. I want to hide under my duvet

To cheer myself up, I'm exchanging messages with a rather nice man on plenty of fish. I'm a glutton for punishment.

Today I am mostly definitely throwing myself a huge pity party. I can't stop crying. I told Ro's Dad about me going to the doctor etc, and he just sort of patted me on the shoulder and said "Keep your pecker up". And there was me thinking that he might be interested seeing as we were talking about a child that was his too. And then there's all the other bollox and realising that things you took for true were just a pack of lies And I have stinking cold, a banging headache and I just want all this to stop Whinge over. I'm going curl up on the sofa with my dogs. They love the imperfect me.

At last, Monty has stopped letting out foul smelling curry burps Last night in bed was such a delight He's much better today - still not much sign of shoooinpooo, but I'm hoping he did his usual and chomped it into small enough pieces for it to pass with no problem. He's certainly looking perkier. Me, on the other hand, looks and feels like shyte

Monty is feeling quite perky in himself, I think. We've just been for a gentle stroll and he was trotting alongside me wagging his tail He's still drinking loads and doing the most foul burps ever though

Brilliant pictures - that last one is very funny in a totally scary sort of way Monty's tummy is burbling nicely. I had to nip to the shop (and the chip van ) so took him in the car with us so I could keep an eye on him. He burped all the way there and back so now my car smells like a thai takeway I fully expect to find a sloppy poo in the kitchen tomorrow morning. He's always been a burpy dog, but I could really do without the overwhelming stench of garlicky curry . I just hope he chewed the shoe into little enough pieces to pass it easily Oh well, at least it's not like I have to go to work and leave him for the next 48 hours.

I am home with Monty. There's no doubt at all that he ate the entire shoe. I rushed him there because he threw up, and there were bits of shoe (yes, I did fish around in the sick - the things we do for love). He's drinking a hell of a lot, but I guess I might too if I'd snacked on red curry paste. Anyway, there are no obvious signs of an obstruction at the moment. He's had an injection to settle his tum, and if he throws up again I've to take him straight back for x-rays. I'm going to have to be extra careful about what I leave lying around (but who'd have thought he'd eat an entire shoe......).

I think I'm going to have to take Monty to the vet Scrap that - I am taking Monty to the vet - right now, in fact

I am emotionally pooped. I have a cold. And Monty's been norty again. This time he's had a go at a tub of red thai curry paste Granted he didn't have much of it, but jeez, you should smell the garlicky curry burps coming out of him. Oh well, if that doesn't shift the eaten shoe, nothing will..........

My mod box isn't quite complete yet. I hope to get it completed tomorrow. A (not very nice) man delivered my superkettle today. It is indeed super Thanks Alison

Thanks I don't want to throw myself a big pity party, really. I'm just trying to make sense of things and deal with them properly instead of just shoving mentally to one side. With the help of my therapist, I see how 'strong' I've been getting through several pretty traumatic things on my own, because I just didn't have the support. And that in turn has helped me realise that I often now don't recognise support when it's there. In fact, I'd go so far as to say I actively reject it - not consciously, but I do it nonetheless. That's a hard thing for me to get round.

I have just been to the doctor to deal with something else from my past that I suppressed. I had a miscarriage 12 years ago. No one wanted to talk about it after the event (went for my first scan, no heartbeat, D&C a day later), so I didn't talk about it either. I had no support so I just got on with things, pretty much blotting it out (although I was petrified throughout my pregnancy with Ro). I could tell you the year, and the season, but I had no idea of an actual date. Or even the month, to be honest. It's been eating away at me, so I've been to find out the date. I now have the date and can mark it - and grieve for the baby I lost. Knowing the actual date has brought a lot of stuff to the surface, but that's good because I can let go of all the feelings that I've squashed. Sorry, that's all a bit depressing.

I have just had a little heart to heart with Monty, which ended with him snuzzling and snorting in my face. His nose smells distinctly of leather Off to visit Ebay to order another pair Thank goodness I'm at home tomorrow to keep an eye on him (and his plop).

Ro is here and has helped me hunt the house for my shoe. IT IS NOT HERE. Monty's looking porky He's just had a big poo but no sign of my lovely shoe yet Fortunately they were only £8, and I can get another pair on Ebay (because I love them), but that's not the bluddy point There is a very nice Bentley convertible parked round the side of my house. I have no idea who it belongs to

I think Monty's eaten one of my shoes It was there yesterday and now it's gone. I can't find it anywhere They were really pretty Indian wedding shoes, and now I only have one I wanted to wear them as they look really nice with my skinny jeans. I will not be impressed if I find sparkles in Monty's poo tomorrow But I will take pictures I have to go see my lovely therapist for what will be an emotional session as I want to talk about something that I never talk about Then I have to collect Ro from Cubs at 8pm as his Dad is away at a meeting. I might fit in making myself a thai curry somewhere.

Laura, it's a shame you've reached this stage - those children need someone like you fighting their corner I am now officially taking on the role of sales administrator. They know I won't stay, but they want me to train up to do it before the current sales administrator leaves in 3 weeks, and then continue it and do the handover when they get someone permanent. It's at least 6 weeks work. There were rumbles about allowing a 'temp' to take over the role fully, but apparently the admin manager wasn't having any of it - she wanted me to do it and that was that. For all the admin manager is a biatch, she sees what I'm capable of and knows that I am sh*t hot at multitasking. So that's nice. I really like the girl who'll be training me up, so I'm quite looking forward to it. And what's even better, I won't have to deal with the fecking useless office manager. I will, however, have to deal with smarmy vaguely slimey sales manager and baldy vaguely grumpy sales manager. Yay!

Ha, one of the people they'd given the admin assistant job to phoned today to say she didn't want the job after all. That department is well and truly up sh*t creek. The office manager is BLOODY USELESS. If I hear her say "Oh, I haven't been here long, I'm still in training" one more time, I swear to god I'll tw@t her one. You do NOT tell customers that you don't know what the feck you're doing. And anyway, she's been there eight weeks Admin manager told me that she wants me to do 'very specific tasks' as opposed to the mucking in I've been doing. What she actually means is that she wants me to do the sales administrators job Me and the other temp are contemplating asking for a higher rate because they'll be royally screwed if we leave

Oh poo, it's after 2 and I've only just seen this. It would be my back entrance, right enough Will pm my addy now

Yes, sales admin is really nice It's just that I think her job as it stands would bore me senseless. There's admin and finance sort of mixed in, and I just can't see me being happy doing that - especially as admin manager would be my line manager AND I've have to wear their minging horrible uniform (lilac polyester blouse , royal blue and purple polyester jacket , nylon navy swirly neckerchief and navy 'slacks' ). They'd have to pay me a FECK of a lot of money for that ). I wore my suit again today. Only management are 'allowed' to wear suits. Several lodge residents mistook me for someone who knew what she was doing

Found out today that the Sales Administrator has handed in her notice. This could explain the mystery job. She leaves in 4 weeks and there's only one other person there who can do her job. If her job is all the 'mystery job' entails, they can shove it. She's been there 8 years and never progressed beyond that role (and not because she's a div either). Anyway, they've offered me and one other temp another 6 weeks work. I'm going to stick around and see what happens

Kinnell....chuff chat is getting out of control.......as is the mankiness.... My chuff's fine. Healthy even. Have hardly seen admin manager all morning. She's been in a meeting with the managing director. I've been stuck in the sales office (with a baldy wee man who smelt horribly of cheap aftershave for company) updating a spreadsheet and I was fecking freezing.

Why you coming to Aberdeen? (puzzling why anyone would come voluntarily.... ) I'm going to work. I'm still curious about this mystery 'job' I was told about. Maybe today will bring more info

I've just paypal'd my payment to DNB for my Soooooopakettle. If it doesn't arrive wearing red pants outside blue tights, I'm going to be a tiny bit disappointed