tracey.s

i am going in the bath to bleach my eyeballs and try erase the shocking and horrifying images from this evening. nite all

it was being wiggled at me!!!! it was hard not to.

i don't know, i didn't look yes it could have been

i couldn't think of a non offensive word for it. he lives with his sister oh a double quote. how did i do that then?

honest to god you couldn't make it up!!!! he sort of lives five houses away but around the corner. the lady answering the phone was doing her best not to choke and once hubby piped up in the background "that's your valentine surprise" we both started laffing. she asked me for a description my reply?? fat bald and nekkid i'm gonna be seeing his captain winky in my sleep tonight

i just had to call the police picture the scene. driving back from asda alone in the car, singing to music, gets around the corner from my house and what do i see? a fat bald old man running around the street completely butt bollock NEKKID i kid you not. he flung his arms in the air, stuck his big fat belly out, wiggled his bits at me and then ran back in his house i was absolutely gobsmacked. i told OH and he dissolved into fits of hysterics. mind you, the police found it amusing too. i myself am laffing lots now the shock has worn off.

good luck? i need a miracle i was hoping he was gonna be a thicko. nite nite

and norty keira that likes to growl at you as well

fantastic news for your boys claire do you all wanna do a uri geller experiment? everybody will my cat escapee (who has now been on the run for 3 weeks ) into the cat trap at the front of my house. PPPLLEEAASSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE hope lily is ok

afternoon. for paula. hope it goes well when you eventually get there nice hat mel. lucky cat is seriously extracting the urine. he has avoided the cat trap all weekend and then this lunchtime he sat on the fence outside my living room window looking at me for ages 'snot funny anymore. i need to chand tacticts. he obviously doesn't like pilchards

well, the cat trap works. it caught every sodding cat but the one i want still, there's always tonight. glad you're ok prawnie

blood hell. hope you all survive the night

that's got to be health and safety wendy. or an excuse for an early finish

oh bless him. fingers crossed.

how's your little man doing donna?

me too.

the cat trap is down. i am just about to warm up some pilchards and put them in. could you all please cross everything that i catch him tonight?. it got keira home so, let's see if we can get the other one.

ooh yes it is. sup tiff?

just reading ambers post and wondering if the profanity filter has recouperated f*** off

good luck for today mrs prawny

ooh anne how did you manage to bring only one home?

morning. how slipperry can one male cat be? everytime he saw me last night he did a runner. twas the 22nd of january he legged it. i'm just grateful he has hung around here. i put a bowl of food and milk down outside my front door before i went to bed last night and the bowl is now empty. i'm just waiting for the cats protection league to open and i shall be ringing them and asking them can i please borrow your cage? keira ate like she'd not seen food for a week and is currently wailing at the back door to go out. she is grounded i haven't managed to track down the owners of keira's lookalike either. but shall keep checking the shop windows and the lost and found ads. run free little pusscat

so, operation catch lucky cat begins ooh shadowz. i posted your book first class at lunchtime

Dear Kotex, I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my panty liner had a bunch of Kotex "Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such Annoying advice such as: * Staying active during your period can relieve cramps * Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches * Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh * Try Kotex blah blah blah other products Obviously the person behind this was someone who has never possessed A functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman to HER FACE that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what happens and report back. I'll wait. While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the vending machine. I guarandamntee that the first responders will be females who just ovulated. Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol. Printing out s*** advice while sneaking in ads for the brand THAT WAS ALREADY PURCHASED is just plain annoying, not to mention rude and enough to send a girl running to the Always brand. Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. put the s*** in brown paper bags so we can dispose of it in the carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer. There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store. The ultimate goal of your product should be functional invisibility >at every stage, including at the point of purchase. So take your tips for living and shove them right up your ass. {Try drinking six to eight glasses of water to make you feel fresher while you're >doing it!) Ovarily Yours