Pendlewitch

Cecil went peacefully to the Bridge this morning, goodnight my wonderful old man, you leave a huge hole in my heart and my life. Have fun at the Bridge but please don't chase the sheep, Dobbin, Radar and Sprout will look after you. The Bridge is just through the gate Cecil, go on my love, into the light.

I took Cecil to the vets today because his nose is really dry and crusty and his harsh breathing episodes are worse. His seizure twitches are now jerks and the blinking is almost constant. The big lump on his side has grown noticeably and possibly could be changing to something sinister, I already know something is going on in his throat, he can't stand any pressure without coughing. It was a different vet to the one who did his bloods and after reading the blood results he was surprised that Cecil was still with me. He had a listen to his lungs and they are awful, really rustling and creaking. Cecil is now very easily frightened as he does not understand much of what is going on around him and does not react well to being touched. He gets into a panic which upsets his breathing even more and the rasping sound is horrible to hear. The vet was really good with him and took his time with handling him and did manage to reduce the stress level. But we then had to have the conversation about any treatment options, the only options for his lungs are seroids which in view of his liver, kidney and pancreatic problems are just not an option. To find out what is going on in his throat would involve GA and he is defintiely not a GA candidate. He thinks he will without doubt get into a crisis and before very long and he would like me to seriously think about Cecil's quality of life. I've been thinking of nothing else all week to be honest, he does not know me anymore, he gets lost in the garden, his manic phases are dementia driven and he has to be prevented from running about as it wears him out and then he can't breathe. I don't think he has any quality of life anymore and I must not wait for the crisis, if I do I've failed him. So I've made the decision to let him go to the Bridge and very soon, even thinking about it destroys me but I have to do it for him, it's the last and at this time the best thing I can give him.

Many thanks all for the kind thoughts, Cecil continues to swing from manically happy to very, very old and the rasping panting is gradually becoming worse. I treasure each day with him.

Well it seems I've joined the 'fluffy' brigade! That's a tongue in cheek comment but it's how the livery yard are seeing me at the moment! As I can't ride and Banner will not drive we have decided to do horse agility and Banner is being amazing! She is doing the weave, walk across a tarp, between barrels, over a jump and through a curtain, (ribbony fly type). We have to make an archway with a half circle at the bottom to jump through and before the turn of the century the A frame, horse walk and seesaw come into it all! Then I have to teach her do do it loose, mmm, all I can see her doing is legging it over the horizon. It takes ages to set it all up but it's great fun and we can compete on line, watch this space!

I'm becoming so worried about Cecil, his twitching is almost constant now and although he wants to come on walks and will be more than a bit manic at times pinging over gullies like a two year old he does suddenly go really tired. I never walk far from the car so I'm always sure of getting him back ok and he will willingly jump in although he does get a hand under his bum in case he misses. His confusion is much worse, I'm not sure if his hearing has worsened or it's the confusion but sometimes he just looks so blank and does not respond to anything, he will stand in front of me and is not aware I'm there so when I want to pass him I have to touch his back then he jumps like he's been stung! His breath is horrible and his nose is crusty, he won't let me put anything on it though, he has some weird heavy breathing episodes and he sounds awful, it's really harsh and occasionally he does some coughing, that sounds like he's got something stuck but he doesn't retch. He barely cocks his leg now, just a little lift, he's easily unbalanced as his back end is weak and he doesn't like to sit for long, he always slides down on to the floor. There have been a few poop in the kitchen incidents and it really does smell awful, much worse than normal. He scares me when he's asleep because he snores so heavily and does not wake up when anyone comes into the room, I never try to wake him as he gets in a bit of a panic if I do but sooner or later a sound will get through and he'll get up, he's always very wobbly then but does improve a bit once he's been outside. His walk is kind of stilted, as though his feet hurt and he gets a bit of cramping in his toes at times. He eats fine and is always up for more, he does get charcoal biscuits as treats and he would eat them forever given the chance but he is dropping weight. He's about 19kg and at his best was 29kg, his back end looks so narrow now and a lot has dropped off his once powerful shoulders. I swing wildy from let him go now while he still has some dignity left if not much to wow look at him jump that gully, he must be fine. I'm conning myself as I know his liver and kidneys are failing but I can't leave him until something shuts down and it becomes a frantic emergency. I did that with Radar who was in liver failure and he collapsed and died one morning and I swore I would not be a day too late ever again. I'm feel I'm so near that day too late and I must have the guts to make the decision for Cecil even though it rips the heart out of me!

As he's freeing up with the dressage saddle and she was right about the jump saddle not fitting him I'd be tempted to go with her. I suppose he could have changed shape a bit since you got the jump saddle, spring grass and all that but at the end of the day it doesn't fit and Loki made it clear he was not happy. It's a nightmare I know, I hope you get it sorted in time!

An update! Cecil continues to have episodes of twitching and shaking but apart from that his behaviour is bizarre and I can't make moss nor sand of it. He is determined to come out on walks with the other two, once out of the car he's totally and completely manic, charges round me at a gallop, pulls like a train and continually picks up all sorts of skanky rubbish. He was in the kitchen this morning and he suddenly fixed me eye to eye and was wagging his tail like crazy,(Cecil does not do tail wagging), for half a millionth of a split second I thought he was going to go for me, then he had a head rubbing session on my knees. After a minute or two he went into complete stop, staring at nothing, no twitches or tremors and then turned round and got in his bed, lay down and was instantly asleep. It's like he is just wired and bonkers at times, I'm assuming it's the dementia but I suppose it could be any or all of his problems adding their bit. When he's not wired he's switched off and in bed flat out. I do think the wobbly back end is worse and his bonkers stuff is not helping that at all but I'm happy to let him do what he wants!

Jack dog is easily hyped by the weather especially the wind. He gets quite distressed and the only way to deal with him is to let him go under the bed and put the TV on a bit loud. He's another that won't eat his normal food but will eat toast or chicken so hopefully it's the weather affecting Charlie, I hope he's back to normal soon.

Wanda is a serial shape changer and the best thing I ever did was get her the WoW. Can you find someone with a WoW Korrector Pad you could borrow, it would give you the same feel without the eeeek cost. Plus points are you don't need two saddles as you can interchage flaps. Just a thought!

He was shaking and twitching this moring so I had a good look at his eyes, they don't move, it's all his face and the tremor . He was a bit blank after it stopped but then trotted off outside. Many thanks for all the good thoughts, it helps a lot.

I decided to take the shets one at a time to graze on the verge outside the yard as our grass is just not growing as yet. Banner stuffed her face, ate loads of dandilions and was very happy. Then I took Special Lilli, oh dear what a disaster, she tripped over the curb edge, grazed a bit then walked into a tree head first. She bumped sideways into the 20ft wall across the road, then someone brought the other shet Monty and she walked straight into him and bounced off. Then a car came passed and she absolutely freaked out so I took her back, as I was opening the yard gate she walked into it. I won't be taking her off the yard again, someone said if I take her out more then she will get used to it. How can she get used to what she can't see is my difficulty and stopping her walking into things isn't easy as she doesn't respond to pressure, well she doesn't respond at all so stopping or turning her is always problematic. She's ok ish in places she knows, she can follow the fence lines at a flat out gallop and seems to sense the electric fencing, it has to be on though or she will happily walk through it. Fortunately she never panics if she gets stuck anywhere, she just waits to be got out! She may be special but she's not daft!

I could hear a really odd noise in the kitchen so I switched off all electrical items and found that the sort of drumming noise was coming from Cecil! Then his head started shaking, he was blinking really fast and he had twitches all over his face, he stood up a few times but his back end seemed to slip away from him and in the end he stayed lying down. He gradually came out of it but seemed a bit vague and detached so I rang the vet. As the problem had stopped she suggested I bring him in during the week for blood tests, when I went back in the kitchen he had started again so rang vet back and arranged to take him in. Blood tests show liver and kidney failure, his pancreatitis is not controlled, he is anaemic and his calcium levels are wrong, I forget what she said about that bit He already has loads of fatty lumps all over him but also has some internal ones that cannot be confirmed as harmless and could be doing anything inside him. Any or all of the above could be causing the seizures, vet says he may never have another, he could have loads of little ones or he could throw a major fit, it's impossible to predict. There is also something going on in his throat but he won't allow it to be looked at and a GA is out of the question. Vet doesn't think there is much in the way of treatment in view of his complex problems, she did think he should go back on the Royal Canin for his pancreatitis but he hates it and won't even look at it. He's on Burns and Chappie and is eating fine even today. He is losing weight, he's very deaf and his sight is poor. He has dementia and is begining to pace and stare at walls, he gets the hinge side of the door when asking to go out and gets lost in the top part of the garden and has to be retrieved and his back end is very weak. But he insisted in going out this afternoon, did some very unbalanced jumpy things and rushed round to the car! He can get in with a helping hand under his bum but needs a ramp to get out. We had a very short walk, he would have gone further but I think that's the dementia taking over because once back in the car he flops out flat for a while. We are a seriously slippery slope and I know his time is running out fast, he's 15 now and I thought he would go on forever. I'm going to have to make a decision at some point and it may be a lot sooner than I thought it would be. I wish they didn't have to get old!

Although the car driver didn't stop it must have frightened her to death, she would have known she hadn't hit Jumble though. I've just about stopped replaying it over and over with various endings! Thanks all for cyber chocks and I needed them!

I walk the dogs down a lane which is sort of in two parts, halfway along it's open to the road because there is a farmer's gate but the lane is well set back. Coming up to the gap both the dogs on long leads are brought back short and Jumble does go behind, a command he knows well and obeys instantly. This morning for some unknown reason just as we were crossing the gap he shot out on to the road flat out and as he does the BC curved run out he was looking back at me as a car flew round the corner. I'd swear my hear stopped as I shrieked Jumble come, he did not see the car at all because of the angle and he actually brushed the side of it. The brush made him jump forward and he ran back to me and I near on passed out on the spot, he had been an inch from serious injury or death! I'm still so shocked at how easily it happened and how near I was to losing him, he'll be on the lead near the gap now!

I never get tired of the vids, keep them coming! I was waiting for him to explode in the dressage, he was certainly on the go but it did make him more expressive and you did well to contain him! Free walk on a long rein was a bit too long, he has to stay on the end of the rein and take it forward. Do you think the show jumps are just a bit too low for him and he doesn't respect them? I know there were a couple of jockey errors but he should be able to ignore you at that height. XC is looking fantastic, he obviously loves it. Do you really pronounce his name Lock eye!

You have stepped it up Clare, jolly well done. Corners are tricky things at the best of times so he did great to get it right anyway. Badders in a couple of years?

Had the vet back out to Wanda as she wasn't improving, he thought she had something going on in her hoof but not bad enough for an abcess. He found an old nail hole that was a bit too open and she was sensitive to the hoof testers on that side. She's been tubbed and polticed for three days and we now have load of gook coming out of the hole, never been happier to see gook! Hope Blue and Milo are improving too! Clare will have done her dressage ages ago, what an early time!

Wanda has joined the broken horse club, she tripped in the arena last night and has hopefully done nothing more than strain the tendon sheath. She's on box rest for a week and bute but will be checked on Thursday! Bugger, just when she had entered a dressage comp! Re Global herbs, Wanda uses Pollenex, Banner is on Supercalm, Sam's broken horses are on Boxrest, Movefree and Tendonease. I've used GH for years for various reasons and swear by them, always had good results!

Fingers crossed for Blue!

A good test Clare, some really nice work there and an improvement on the last one for sure. The following comments are really, really picky but hopefully helpful. Slap me with a wet fish please if I get on your nerves! Some really nice trot strides but he did lose connection and throughness on occasion, steady those corners and ride them as a few handbrake turns crept in, keep the outside leg on! The canter was forward and had a good rhythmn but lacked jump and was a tad tight over his back but that will all come together as he gets stronger. Ride the downward transitions especially into walk, don't let him collapse into it, give and retake the reins not clear enough and he lost self carriage and outline. His last two left turns were really very nice and his up the centre line trot was balanced and flowing,the halt was good but give it a little more time for the immobility to become established. Jolly well done both!

CP, have you asked about fusion of the hock joint? It worked well for YO horse, he is sound now and he has had other major problems. Don't dispair yet, give him some time and he could just come right when your are not expecting it. Would think another x-ray might be an idea!

Ha Ha, a monkey on his back! Your riding has improved so much I hardly recognise you as the same person! With the forward and impulsion thingy have a looky at the vid in slow mo if you can, he's forward but not really pushing and engaging the hocks so gets a bit too forward and loose then he's begining to pull along with his front end a tad. You're not that far off, just see if he will take the contact forward but keep the back legs under if that makes any sense. It will help with the sit in canter too. I'm very envious of your lad, he's such a star!

Super vids Clare, slow that trot in the dressage and carry the hand to lighten the forehand! SJ exactly as you said, over rode a tad but some really nice jumps, XC looking very good! Not surprised a few nerves crept in, you've taken a big step upwards. Loki is looking superb, he has so much ability, can't wait to see a medium trot! I hope all the broken horses mend soon!

Don't panic yet CP, there is Cartrophen and even hock fusion to look at yet. I'd just wait a while and don't trot him up at the moment. Friends horse has had the lot and is sound.

I won't see my ponies for a week or so after having a metal plate in my foot, had it done Tuesday and I'm bored already! I do include Wanda as a rather big pony. Apparently special Lilli is showing some delightful traits at the moment, she thinks she's a springbok and spends ages just jumping up and down on the spot with a few bucks thrown in, she sort of gets stuck in a behaviour and then will suddenly break out of it and fly round the field like crazy. I must try to video it when my silly foot will let me. Anyone remember my friend, a nervous novice, buying a 17hh Shire x TB gelding? Needless to say it did not work out big style but what did work out is he is now a police horse! She got the news last Tuesday that he had passed all his exams and was accepted, what a fantastic home for him to go to! Now she needs a dope on a rope but with basic schooling in place, they are hard to find. Hope everyone's horses are doing ok and the weather is not causing too many problems, YO Sam kept all on the yard in the day we had frozen rain, every surface was lethal!