Dear Kiwi, you have been misinformed. Cellulite is a real affliction as Daunting my twin will testify.
Cellulite has the appearance of orange peel and is usually found on the thighs of laydees. Men can also suffer from this complaint but I find a good scrub down with a wire brush helps enormously.
Daunting, in the past my advice has been sought on many occasion and I am an expert so please read carefully. I assume you have ginormous thighs and keep them well hidden in polyester slacks? This is the best way to disguise your cellulite and in any case, thighs like yours are unlikely to attract admiring glances anyway so you have no need to worry about that dimply skin.
Melps
Dear Moonboo, have you thought of wearing big shoes at all? They are available through most good NHS prosthetic departments and come in some lovely colours, like brown and erm, brown. Not usually sold in pairs but in exceptional circumstances they can be provided. For the broken skin I suggest lard, applied 3 times a day to the affected areas. Please consult your doctor before using any oily substance on broken skin.
Dr Melps