Jacobean Posted April 22, 2012 Report Share Posted April 22, 2012 I hate having to be forever on the lookout on some of our walks. Hmm. Looks like my life is going to completely change very soon. May not but from what my I think soon to be ex stepmother has said it appears so. Phoned her this morning for a straight talking conversation. Home visit is going ahead for Friday. She has said to me she can't have him there the way he is. I have reiterated to her that she doesn't have to do anything for him bar cups of tea and the basics. Help is being provided for everything else. She can't have him there. So he will have to go to a retirement home. She is "fighting with the hospital to keep him there until he can look after himself". He may never be able to do that and is at a point where he could go home and get some of his life back. Home being just a word here. As she clearly doesn't see it as being his home. It's her house and he happens to have lived there. I've said no way is he going to a home. Their house is fully adapted to support him and there is no way the hospital will say he can't go there next week. He can now get over the steps so is still improving. So upshot is I have said if it comes down to it we will have to adapt our house for him and I will completely have to change my life, give up work etc. She said oh that would be fantastic he'll be so relieved when I tell him this afternoon so you can go see him all this week then. Erm no we have explained why we can't do that. It's 31 miles for us and we cannot physically get there for the visiting hours. We have discussed this for months. You insisted he needed to be close to you. Had he come near to us we would have been visiting him daily. It is not my place to tell my dad this so I am letting things carry on until she has to admit to him and we will take it from there but it very much looks like he is coming here. Visit is so far going ahead on Friday but my dad isn't thick and if she does tell him this afternoon whether she says it's over or not he can only draw that conclusion same as us and the nursing home. I'll have to ring the nursing home tomorrow to make sure he knows he isn't being ditched by us and if all hell has broken loose start discussing our house and getting them to come assess what he needs here. I also need to find out if she does stop visiting him altogether. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owl Posted April 22, 2012 Report Share Posted April 22, 2012 Michelle, that sounds horribly selfish of stepmother. Soon to be ex? It's not even as if she has to do all the caring herself single handed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owl Posted April 22, 2012 Report Share Posted April 22, 2012 I feel bleurgh even though I slept a bit this morning. No luck last night, I think because more people were there and the routine was upset. Dawn chorus was great though, and it stayed dry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
griff Posted April 22, 2012 Report Share Posted April 22, 2012 Jacobean, i believe what you do you get back tenfold so one day she may be in need and need help but perhaps her family won't care as much and leave her to rot in a home!! your dad is really blessed to have you fighting his corner and i hope he can soon come to you or be moved closer to you. i think you will all be well shot of that awful woman and i hope your dad won't take it too hard. Owl sorry bones didn't get captured, hopefully in the near future! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merledogs Posted April 22, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 22, 2012 Your dad is lucky to have you Michelle Karma will bite the bitch on her arse one day 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
houndzrus Posted April 22, 2012 Report Share Posted April 22, 2012 Sorry you're not enjoying your job Steph. Well done Glen and Molly I hope Bones comes home soon good thoughts for Snow. So sorry you are having such a rough time with your MIL Michelle. She really is certainly showing her true colours now. So heartless. Hope Dex is feeling better now. Love your new addition Sandra. Busy old day today, got loads done, both at home and at the allotment, in between heavy showers! I didn't think we would get anything done there at all, so it's a bonus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yantan Posted April 23, 2012 Report Share Posted April 23, 2012 I hope your step-mother finds herself in the same boat one day Michelle. What a miserable, nasty bitch. It's a lovely day here, a tad cold but the skies are blue and the sun is out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzeanna Posted April 23, 2012 Report Share Posted April 23, 2012 Cloudy here with heavy showers forecast...I do hope Bones decides to let herself be caught soon, before all the volunteers get fed up with being soaked and give up (apart from Owl of course, Owl's can always find a nice dry place to perch!) I was watching the preview of Panorama's programme tonight about "care" homes and how some people suffer abuse in them..it terrifies me, it really does, the possibility of ending up somewhere like that. Give me euthanasia any time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kittycat Posted April 23, 2012 Report Share Posted April 23, 2012 Hope Bones is found soon. I cannot believe someone can be so heartless Michelle, hopefully the social services team in your area can help you out with any adaptions you need to make. I saw a clip this morning about the care home, I dread the social coming in here and dumping my Mother in a home because it goes on everywhere. I have friends that work in care homes and the horror stories they tell are just unbelievable. (null) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzeanna Posted April 23, 2012 Report Share Posted April 23, 2012 Hope Bones is found soon. I cannot believe someone can be so heartless Michelle, hopefully the social services team in your area can help you out with any adaptions you need to make. I saw a clip this morning about the care home, I dread the social coming in here and dumping my Mother in a home because it goes on everywhere. I have friends that work in care homes and the horror stories they tell are just unbelievable. (null) surely though, they couldn't take your Mum to a home if she and you didn't want her to go...or could they?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owl Posted April 23, 2012 Report Share Posted April 23, 2012 Kittycat, it's unlikely that the social will remove your mother to a care home against yours and her wishes. It would cost the council money and cause them a lot of hassle. and they would probably need a court order to get her moved if you both objected. I have worked in private care homes and they have varied a lot. Most of the care workers were ok, it's the management who were the problem. Most of them were amoral, greedy social climbers who aspired to a jet-set lifestyle, a surprising number were very heavy drinkers, and many regarded care assistants as unintelligent, uneducated no-hopers and treated us with utter contempt. I'd be ashamed if I were an employer who couldn't pay wages because my expensive holidays and booze came first, but they seemed to think it was somehow acceptable to write bouncing cheques. I am really frightened of going into a care home if and when I get too ancient to cope and sincerely hope I pop my clogs before that happens. It's not so bad if you have younger relatives to keep an eye on things, but I don't. Owls do find dry places to shelter, and we aren't doing any more all nighters for a while. We are going back to fryups with max 4 people at 10.30 and a couple of hours watching from car or holly bush. We all have ankle length long black hooded cagoules which are totally weather proof, as one of the volunteers spotted some in a sale and kitted us out. Hope no one thinks we are some dubious occult group. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yantan Posted April 23, 2012 Report Share Posted April 23, 2012 If you like word games and find yourself at a loose end this is a nice one: http://www.eastoftheweb.com/games/Eight1.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
murtle Posted April 23, 2012 Report Share Posted April 23, 2012 Michelle, sorry to hear about your ex-stepmother, she does seem to fit the classic children's tale of wicked stepmothers. At 35 the idea of going into a care home scares me, but I don't have any younger relatives either guess I best started saving harder for old age. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
griff Posted April 23, 2012 Report Share Posted April 23, 2012 you wouldn't neccessarily have to go into a home, you could go into a sheltered housing scheme instead, my nan lives in a lovely place, it is an almshouse and she is fully independent with pull cords for emergency help, she has terminal cancer and hopefully she won't need to be moved from here, she has her mates round her and it really is a lovely little community so don't worry before you have to about homes! i can't have children so there is only really me as my family is very fractured, i probably won't make old bones anyway so hopefully won't be something i need to worry about! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yantan Posted April 23, 2012 Report Share Posted April 23, 2012 I know there are a lot of bad care homes but I've worked in two and they were both smashing. The residents were all very happy and the staff were excellent. There were lots of entertainment and trips out laid on. We carers never entered the residents room without knocking and waiting for a response. There was a kitchen area where those that were able could go and make themselves a cuppa and help themselves to the biscuits. The kitchen staff used to produce a choice of wholesome tasty meals and residents could eat communally in the dining room or in their rooms depending on how they were feeling. Help with meals was always available. All personal care was delivered in a friendly and professional manner with the dignity of the resident maintained throughout. These were both local authority homes by the way. One of them was recently threatened with closure and a very spirited campaign was started by the residents themselves and I'm pleased to say they won. As their spokeswoman said "this is our home and we love it here". My great aunt and my S-I-L's dad were both in another care home in the private sector and the care there was first rate too. So I hope if any of us find ourselves having to go into a residential place they will be more like the ones I have encountered. The more the bad ones are exposed then, hopefully, the situation will be addressed and the uncaring carers and bad owners wheedled out. Abuse of the elderly, along with animal and child abuse, is something that makes my blood boil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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