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A Bit Of A Morbid & Delicate Question.....


phoebejo

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Yes it is. I can't say I'll shed any tears. Thankfully he's going to stay with his ex-wife tomorrow until the New Year. Hurrah.

 

What did she do to get him for Christmas ?

 

I bet he out lives you all. They say the devil takes care of his own.

I have the greatest sympathy for all other posters who have had tragic and sad passings of family members.

Edited by Trallwm farm
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What did she do to get him for Christmas ?

 

I bet he out lives you all. They say the devil takes care of his own.

I have the greatest sympathy for all other posters who have had tragic and sad passings of family members.

She knows what a complete and utter *^%@ he is and feels guilty for not being honest about her reasons for leaving him, for lumbering us with him and about seeing the way he's tried his hardest to destroy us. He's been a couple of times to stay at her house this year and she planned to spend Christmas there with her Mother. Alan thought we were going to spend Christmas Day with my parents which would've meant he was left here on his own. So she invited him to hers. Of course we have no intention of going anywhere on Christmas Day but they didn't need to know that :wink:

 

I absolutely detest the man and cannot wait for the day he pops his clogs. The temptation to pop the champagne corks and get out the bunting will be overwhelming but there are still people he has kept his true colours hidden from, who think he's a harmless fool, and who will mourn his passing. To appease Mr Hazells sense of responsibilty and respect for his family my celebrations will be kept to a minimum. I've no idea how Mr Hazell will react to his passing and I will do what I can to support him but I'm a selfish cow at heart and cannot pretend to like someone when I don't. We've talked about the funeral and I don't want to go. I don't want to sit there pretending to be sad while his friends eulogise about what a top sport he was. I'll go if I think Mr Hazell needs me but I'd rather stay at home with the kids.

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We've talked about the funeral and I don't want to go. I don't want to sit there pretending to be sad while his friends eulogise about what a top sport he was. I'll go if I think Mr Hazell needs me but I'd rather stay at home with the kids.

 

You may want to go just to be sure the old bugger has definately gone!!

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but I'm a selfish cow at heart and cannot pretend to like someone when I don't. We've talked about the funeral and I don't want to go. I don't want to sit there pretending to be sad while his friends eulogise about what a top sport he was. I'll go if I think Mr Hazell needs me but I'd rather stay at home with the kids.

 

Definately not a selfish cow , you've had to put up with him and the trouble hes caused. The only thing you can be accused of is being honest :wink:

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Just to relate our experience...

 

We found Ma in law dead at home one morning almost 2 years ago. She had quite obviously been dead since the evening before. We had only left her just after tea. She was very elderly and had been ill, but it was still a shock.

I rang the doctor first to ask what to do, but they said I had to ring 999 for the police.

 

The police took all the details, I explained why we thought she had been dead since the night before etc, but they said they would have to send an ambulance, sssooooo... with sirens and lights blazing, up through the town into a narrow street of terraced houses along came a fast response ambulance car, a regular ambulance and a police car!

They all rushed in with all the gear, even though I met them and quickly explained why I thought it was far far too late and if there had been any signs of life we would have certainly have taken all apppropriate action.

 

One ambulance man finally came out of the room to announce that he was very sorry but our Mother was .....deceased! He was possibly the rookie and I felt very sorry for him.

Had it not been sooo sad it could have been like one of those weird comedy sketches.

 

The 'fast responder' had the authority to pronounce that she was actually gone, and the doctor didn't see her until she was at the undertakers. The fast responder lady was very kind and sympathetic and was able to stay as long as we wanted, and to help us with the initial things we needed to do.

 

I suppose different areas might have different procedures.

 

Comforting thought to all in this situation. :GroupHug: :GroupHug:

 

edited cos the :GroupHug: came out in the wrong place :rolleyes:

Edited by rmb3971
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Cheryl - you ain't selfish chick, you have had the patience of a saint to put up with him this long :flowers:

 

When the time comes we'll all raise a glass to your freedom :flowers:

 

People get far too emotional about the dead - I don't mean that to sound callous but why does someone who has been an arsewipe all their lives suddenly become a saint when they die? You never hear people speak ill of the dead, some people become hypocrites overnight and as you said, eulogise about what a wonderful person they were. It's quite vomit inducing sometimes.

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That's right, I'd feel hypocritical to even attend his funeral. I'm not going to be sorry when he's dead, I'm not going to sing hymns or pray for him, or have anything at all nice to say about him and will spend the entire day either biting my tongue or causing the biggest scene known to man if anybody dares start on me. It's probably better in many ways for Mr Hazell if I stay away. He always pussy foots around his family though and would rather explain my absence by saying I'd got bubonic plague than say I just can't bloody stand the man and I'm glad he's dead. Daisy doesn't want to have anything to do with it either.

 

Anyway, this is all irrelevant, he'll be around for years!

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merledogs i speak ill of the dead.... if they were bad'uns alive they are still bad'uns when dead! i won't hear a good word said about my grandad... he was wife beating drunk who denied his kids the most basic of things...why should i let people talk like he was a saint? i never met him but my dad (it is his father)always told me the truth, unlike his brother who fed his kids a load of lies about what a wonderful man he was.... i soon set that record straight!

phoebejo :GroupHug: :GroupHug: :GroupHug: you must do what sits right with you :flowers: i am in a similar dilema myself... i haven't seen my nan and most of my dads relatives in years.... my nan has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, i feel if i go to see her i will be a hypocrite as it will just be as she is dying. same goes for the funeral, i don't want to go, i don't want to see my relatives in particular one and i suspect it will end up with the police being called. if i don't go to her funeral my dad will be furious (i am staying with my parents) but if i do go i will feel such a fake and spend my whole time willing myself not to batter my uncle :angry:

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Tough one griff, but if you feel you have to go, console yourself with the thought that you never have to go to anyone's funeral more than once, unlike weddings.

 

At the funeral of my exceptionally vile uncle-by-marriage Alfred, I felt like decking the vicar. He said that God was a loving father to his children just like Alfred was. I felt like standing up and declaring that he had tried to kill my aunt and mother, he had bullied his sons, and he tried to persuade me to make a career of sleeping with rich men ... he would introduce me around to get me started :laugh: :ohmy: But I was not very assertive then. I regret that I didn't at least collar the vicar afterwards and tell him how inappropriate his eulogy was.

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Have to agree that if they were a bad 'un alive they're still a bad 'un when dead. Nothing has changed except that you no longer have to look or speak to them. I also hate it when these types of people are made into some sort of angel just because they've died.

 

But I do know that when it comes to family funerals and attending them, things can get complicated. You might not have liked/ had any respect for the dead relative but there are the live relatives to consider and sometimes it is better to just attend and bite your tongue. You can always leave straight after the event and not attend the wake afterwards .... or attend the wake and get blissfully plastered :laugh:

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