cycas Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 Oh Fugees, please solve my etiquette problem for me! Someone I know has emailled out of the blue to suggest that I put in some money towards a birthday present for his wife. Now, I do know his wife, we were at university together, we occasionally exchange comments on each other's blogs, and they stayed with us for a couple of days the year before last as they were in the area and we had some other guests at the time that knew them, but neither of them are exactly close friends: I've never been to their house (though I think we were invited to some do of theirs once that we didn't attend - it was at the other end of the country). We do send Christmas cards, because they sent us a change of address thingy. I might bring a present if I were going to a birthday party, but wouldn't have sent one by post - and if I did send a present, it would be something personally chosen or even made - not money. He earns a great deal more than I do, though she is not working at the moment, which perhaps illogically, makes me more uncomfortable about the whole sending money thing. Do you think it would be too rude to say 'sorry, but no!' ? Or if I did send some money, I have no idea what amount would be appropriate! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cycas Posted January 25, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 ... incidentally, when I say that he emailled me, he didn't actually email ME personally and ask by name. He sent out one email to a mailing list of people that he knows! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 I would find that rather impersonal and wouldnt be sending money. But then I am a miserable git at the best of times Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingrid Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 Is it a special birthday ? To be honest under the circumstances I would just ignore the e-mail, sounds more like a begging letter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merledogs Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 I agree, I'd ignore the email and if he did follow it up with a personal (ie to you only) request, I'd politely decline. Bit of a cheek if you ask me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
murtle Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 Bulk emails only get an answer from me if I want to answer it...in this case I'd ignore it. I think it's a very odd email and would only understand it if a) you were really good friends or b) you were invited to a party to celebrate the impending birthday! Pretend the email never existed, SPAM has a lot to answer for!! Bulk emails only get an answer from me if I want to answer it...in this case I'd ignore it. I think it's a very odd email and would only understand it if a) you were really good friends or b) you were invited to a party to celebrate the impending birthday! Pretend the email never existed, SPAM has a lot to answer for!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotslass Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 Sounds extremely odd (and rude) to me. Why on earth would anyone do that? I'd ignore it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fee Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 It all sounds very odd, and incredibly cheeky to e-mail people who wouldn't normally send a birthday gift asking for money. Are you sure it's genuine and not a hoax by someone who's got access to his mailing list?* I'd ignore it - if anything is said in future say it seemed such an odd e-mail that you assumed it was a phishing attempt and deleted it *They don't have a broke but enterprising small child who might be hoping to intercept the donations do they? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mags Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 If my husband did something like that, I'd kill him (verbally of course and not physically ) The cheek!! I'd ignore it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mooandboo Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 I'd forward the email to his wife Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mooandboo Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 Seriuosly, it does sound a bit strange so I'd probably forget about etiquette (if it's genuine he obviously has)and ignore it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cycas Posted January 25, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 I think it's her 40'th, though he says "quite a big one. (I won't embarrass her by saying just how big, though!)" But she was in the year above me which would make her 40 this year... I'm fairly sure that it is really from him, as he's given the correct address for cards and his work email address as well as his home one and it does sound like him. He has depression and is the kind of person who posts things like 'Am so tired I could cry, hugs would be appreciated' and 'feeling so low, please will someone phone me' on his facebook profile fairly often. I wouldnt' mind if he needed a chat and chose a specific person to have it with, who doesn't get like that from time to time... but it feels a bit strange when the appeals are directed to any one of 200 odd people! I don't want to hurt his feelings but as you all say, this is a bit odd and I just have no idea how to respond... (if anyone reading this is on his facebook list, I am pretty sure you now know who I mean, I don't know anyone else who is like that! ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
one.eyed.dog Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 Totally ignore it. I would. Sounds a bit of a weirdo to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 I think he's probably just trying to do something "special" for his wife on her 40th & perhaps has more "acquaintances" than close friends and / or is just generally a needy sort of man? Unless I specifically knew what they were planning to do with it and wanted to help them do that more than I wanted to give something personal or lasting I probably still wouldn't send cash to be honest. I might however send her a 40th birthday & a small personal present of your choosing if I wanted to continue the friendship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celeste Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 Cheeky bugger, is what I think, I wouldn't feel the slightest iota of guilt by completely ignoring him I think it's him who's committed the etiquette boo boo (can't spell fopah ) what on earth is he thinking off ?, asking people for money like that, you only do that sort of thing with close pals surely Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts