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Physical Abuse/violence...


merledogs

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Alex, I honestly don't know what to say.

 

I am so sorry you have had to go through this :mecry:

 

This is off topic for the point of your post (which I agree with compeltely) and you may not want it, but I love you being on this forum and wish there was something, anything, we could do to help you be happy :GroupHug:

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I am so sorry that you had to go through this.

 

So much frustration and sadness I can't articulate properly what I want to say.

 

So in the meantime I will give you a big smile and kiss (or something), to show and share compassion with an amazing lady.

 

:group:

Edited by murtle
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Alex, I'm so very sorry you experienced this :mecry: :mecry: and I know you didn't want one but please have a hug anyway :GroupHug: I really wish it could take all the hurt away.

 

It worries me with MJ's mother applying for custody of her grandchildren, what contact his father would have with them, given all the information that's been in the media about MJ's own childhood and his father's behaviour.

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MJ's will states that his mother( who is 79) has custody of the children. Should she not be able to fulfil this then custody goes to Diana Ross, who was a great friend of his.

 

Note neither his father nor any his siblings are being given custody.

 

His mother is to run the trust fund ( royalties etc) set up for his children,

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Rightly or wrongly you almost feel relief if someone else is getting beaten because it means you are being left alone, then you feel guilty for feeling that way.

 

 

I can empathise with this. I felt guilt for many many years after I left home because I left my sister there. It's only in very recent years that I've felt marginally better and only then because my sister didn't blame me.

 

We were unlucky enough to be born into a family where violence, alcoholism and sexual abuse were the norm. We were taken away from that and placed into a "safe" foster family where both parents were physically and mentally abusive [not sexually] They would lie to the school and social services about bruises on us, we were kept off school with ailments we didnt have, just so as no-one would see the marks. I was the only child in my school to have chicken pox 3 times and NO-ONE questoned it! This went on for years and years with neither my sister nor I able to tell social workers what was going on in case they left us there and we got worse!

I was sent to a child psychologist for an eating disorder I didn't have. On leaving school I weighed 5.5 stone yet no-one ever thought to ask if we were being fed properly, they just beleived the lies they were told that I was "awkward and fussy"

Luckily for other children, when my sister ran away at 15 [i had been gone for 2 years by then] she did report them to social services and while no charges were ever brought, they were never allowed to foster another child.

 

What always astonishes me is that neighbours and freinds suspected and in some cases knew full well what was going on, yet not one person ever reported it or tried to step in. Not one.

 

Anyway I've wandered off the topic.

 

I'm lucky I guess in that I've grown up to be fairly normal, as has Alex I think :) My sister is also reasonably well adjusted but a lot of kids and I include MJ in this, either never break free or are so badly damaged that they will always be "different".

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It breaks my heart to hear what some of you suffered as children. :GroupHug: We foster a teenage lad who has suffered various forms of abuse and negelct and although we can never erase what has happened to him, at least now we can give him a safe, happy environment to live in.

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Just wanted to express my respect for Alex and Melps and all who have survived such unspeakable childhoods and grown up to be caring and loving people in spite of it all.

 

same here :GroupHug:

 

my parents were emotionally abusive to me and my brother, but my dad regularly used to beat the crap out of us. It doesn't seem to have affected my brother, but I definitely hold it against them.

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What always astonishes me is that neighbours and freinds suspected and in some cases knew full well what was going on, yet not one person ever reported it or tried to step in. Not one.

 

How true.

I also came came from a violent background, it's so hard to break the cycle when the perpetrator has psychological holds over you, in our case, my biological father used to tell Mum he would kill my Pappy if she left, and used to use my brother and I as tools to further the abuse she suffered.

When beatings and abuse happen on a daily basis, it's hard to perceive that there is a way out.

I don't think anyone on this planet except my Mum, my brother and I would call the culmination of events that led up to us getting away as "luck", Mum calls it her lucky break. My Pappy died and probably knowing that he no longer had a hold over us, decided to give my Mum a beating in front of me in my brother's bedroom. He then pushed her out of it.

Luckily for her she was already unconscious when she hit the tarmac, otherwise she would not be here now. She was on a life support for 2 weeks with three fractures to her skull with plain clothes policemen watching her round the clock and he still only got 18 months in Winson Green.

I can still remember him telling Mrs Shoot next door that she'd just fallen over whilst putting out the milk bottles.

If it hadn't been for my brother, they might have believed him, it was only because he ran to a neighbours and dialled 999 because no-one in the street believed him, even though the police were regularly called to our address.

 

Funny thing is, even though I hate the spineless b***ard's guts and I never want to clap eyes on him, having unfortunately lived with his parents for a week after Mum was put in intensive care, I can see exactly where he got it from.

 

I was reading about Josef Fritzl recently and although I still firmly believe that the man is a monster, it transpires that his grandmother couldn't have kids, instead his grandfather used to beat her, rape the maids, get them pregnant and then make them sign the child over to him and his wife. The couple had three children this way, the third they named Maria (Fritzl's mother). By her account, he delighted in the deception he created, fooling the outside world that he had a "normal family" but on the inside goading and abusing them physically for being "b*st*rds". She was desperate to leave, so married a farmhand but she also failed to produce a child after 3 years of marriage so he divorced her.

She went back to her mother and father and the beatings continued until one day she and her mother ran away to Amstetten to live in the house that had been given to her mother as part of her dowry. She started a relationship with a man and wanting proof of her womanhood, seeking vengeance on men in general and wanting to correct the humiliation that had ruined the lives of both her and her adoptive mother, she went into the relationship with the intentions of getting pregnant and then to her surprise became pregnant with Josef almost immediately.

However, as soon as Josef was born she renounced him every chance she got, saying she'd had him out of spite to prove she wasn't barren. He suffered both physical and mental abuse until he was old enough to hit back.

 

I think sometimes when the cycle is so firmly ingrained that without professional help it is hard to unforge those chains and return to some sense of "normality".

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:GroupHug: so sorry for anyone who goes through physical abuse.

 

My dad used to thrash me regularly with the buckle end of a leather belt and had done from a very early age. I thought that it was normal. My dad used to verbally (not physically) bully my mum,my brothers and my sister but they all had the sense(?) to keep their mouths shut and not provoke him into physical violence. I was the only one who was physically abused because I would not "give in" and always answered him back. After a beating he would always ask me if it hurt and wait for me to cry but I always said no and would not cry in front of him.My mum used to beg me to keep quiet but I hated him bullying us so just would not knuckle under. I assume that is why I am so stubborn and outspoken now.My dad came from a "posh" well respected family,was well dressed and dapper even,a real ladies man and seemed a perfect gent to all on the outside yet he terrified and bullied us. We were really happy when he left us for another woman. I was then regularly beaten,punched,kicked etc by my second husband. He never touched the kids...I would have killed him....but somehow I got so browbeaten and downtrodden with all the physical and mental abuse that I lost the ability to stand up for myself. When I look back now i can see that I was physically and mentally drained and made to feel worthless. My third husband is great and has given me back my confidence and I would never allow myself to be in that position again but I do feel that the abused people do need help to escape from their abusers,they cant do it alone and I do feel that it affects you one way or another for the rest of your life. x

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I am totally in awe of the people who have posted here who have suffered such horrendous abuse, and yet have managed to become warm compassionate people. My heart breaks for all you have been through in your lives, it certainly puts some of my petty problems in perspective :GroupHug:

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same here :GroupHug:

 

my parents were emotionally abusive to me and my brother, but my dad regularly used to beat the crap out of us. It doesn't seem to have affected my brother, but I definitely hold it against them.

 

I was adopted (as was my sister) we were regularly beaten for mis demeanors for the kind of silly mistakes kids make - like me being put in charge of my sister who is 2 years younger than my, but very strong willed, and I was punished for 'allowing' her to fall in an iced over frozen flooded field. We were regularly beaten with pea canes for poor table manners. I think the last time my Dad raised his hand to me I was about 15. My sister claims it hasn't affected her, but she used the same physical punishment on her kids. I think I can count the number of times I've smacked mine on the fingers of one hand (but believe me, they push my buttons some days). I was considered 'odd' because I didn't want to speak at my Dad's funeral - everyone remembered him as a 'true gentleman' - but they didn't know him at home........... The funny thing is he actually was a very loving man, and this sort of behaviour was very out of character, but it was 'spare the rod and spoil the child' - his other motto was 'treat your animals like children and your children like animals' - needless to say, I never saw him beat any of our dogs, the worst he would do was jerk a choke chain......

Edited by K9Fran
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I feel so sad and angry that such lovely people have been caused so much hurt by those that should have cared for them above all else :GroupHug: and a great deal of admiration that you have become the wonderful, strong people that you have.

 

I didn't suffer in the way that some of you have, but I did suffer emotional abuse and it took me until just a year or so ago to really start to believe I was a decent person who deserved an existence. I think my parents must have been deeply unhappy to have made me feel so worthless, but no child deserves that, whatever the reason for it.

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