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My Son's School - Grrrrrrrrr!


K9Fran

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#3 son is 'different' - Aspergers/ADHD/ whatever - he doesn't understand the niceties of the world the way most people do. He was bullied at Junior School, but they managed his behaviour really well - we even had the educational phsychologist in at one stage. Now he's at Senior School, and I received a letter yesterday informing me that he'd been put on an 'internal exclusion' - ie, he was to spend 2 days doing his lessons on his own.

 

Why? Because one of the bullies had refused to move out of the way to let him through a door, #3 son asked him to move, when he refused, #3 son put a hand out to 'encourage' him to move. Bully pushed him, so #3 son took his head and threw him against a wall!! :wacko: Apparently he'd been wound up all morning by the bullies :(

 

So where was the teacher? Why doesn't the school even have it on his record that he was removed from the school by ambulance just a few months ago with a suspected back injury after the little dears 'bundled' him. Why hasn't the Head of Year spoken to the boys, even though I was promised this would happen by #3 son's tutor? Why have niether of the teachers I spoke to during Parents evening in November flagged this problem up?

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Thanks for the support folks. #3 son was taken out of his lessons this morning by the Head of Year and asked to write a statement on what has happened - watch this space..........

 

PS - the kicking up merry h&ell bit is his Dad's normal response, and they wonder why #3 son has 'such a temper' - what they don't recognise is the length of time it takes him to get riled before he does lash out....

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My heart goes out to you on this one i have spent years back and forward to school for this very reason , i am lucky in a way Fife is the only county in Scotland to have a team of workers that go into school and teach teachers how to teach autistic children and they have been a god send .

 

It is so frustrating because as you say these kids take so much before they finally blow up , the trick is getting the teachers to pick up on the signals before it gets to the stage where your son loses his cool , we know our kids stress levels are higher anyway trying to deal with all kinds of sensory issues on top of the normal school day , if you can write a list if the signs that your son is getting really stressed and go into school with the list and make sure every single teacher gets a copy it could be helpful. I know thats easier said than done because us mums just know without having to be told when our kids are stressed .

 

I know with Robert he will start either tapping his feet , drumming his fingers tug his own hair or put his hood up and stop communicating when his stress levels go up , if the teachers can recognize these signs it really can help if they are willing to take your son out of the situation he is finding really hard to deal with .

 

Theres no point in the teachers saying " he needs to tell us whats bothering him " because thats part of the problem with these kids they cannot put their feeling into words so we have to find a way for teachers to recognize the signs of stress .

 

The education system seems to work differently in England so im not sure who you can get onside but there has to be somebody you can go to , up here its the education officer , every school has one and they are usually pretty helpful but im not sure if you have them down south ?

 

It also helps if the school is willing to listen and take on board what you are telling them about your son , i had to move Robert from his first high school because they made it pretty obvious they did not want him there every single meeting i had the question was asked " do you think Robert should be in a main stream school " grrr well yes , my son is very intelligent , ok he has his wee quirks , just like everybody else , but with the right kind of teaching he does very well but with teachers who are not willing to learn it can be a total disaster , i have lost count of the times i have said its not rocket science teaching these kids its common sense everyone has some kind of issues and these kids have it tough enough without teachers , not understanding how their minds work .

 

Kicking up merry hell maybe sounds like a good idea but it does not always work i have learned over the years that keeping my cool and explaining things over and over again like im talking to a toddler gets much better results and it helps if you have a close friend who knows your son very well who can put things into words for you when you are trying to explain how you deal with your son , i know i do things automatically and when im asked how do you do x y or z my mind goes blank because i do things without thinking , so somebody else on the outside looking in can sometimes explain things better .

 

If you fancy a wee chat you have my phone number , sometimes just knowing you are not alone helps :GroupHug:

 

Fiona xx

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Thanks so much Fiona. It's so frustrating because he did so well in his last year at Junior School, when it seemed like his teacher finally had a 'handle' on him - she taught him for his final 2 years at that school and he blossomed (went from level 2 SATS at the end of KS 1 to Level 5 in English at the end of KS2). His form tutor will often take him in to her office to 'chill' which he seems to appreciate, but I hate the thought of him constantly being pushed up to and beyond his limits. It's interesting that you say your son finds it hard to vocalise what's troubling him, #2 son almost seems to think being on the receiving end of this sort of treatment is 'normal' and something he just has to cope with :(

 

The idea of taking a friend with me to any meetings is good too - my best friend, who knows and understands #2 son very well is a teaching assistant at a different school and has been a great help.

Edited by K9Fran
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:GroupHug: i know exactly how you feel i have this battle with my sons school several times a week (he has aspergers) the school just dosnt understand that putting a aspergers child in exclusion is the biggest treat he could have, i've known him to deliberatly hit someone so he can be on his own, yet they still say that solitry confinement is the best way to deal with him.......numties,

 

my son also wont say whats bothering him either, he either avoids the question completly or starts rambling about something that happened days/months ago that upset him, usualy something that i'm already aware of :rolleyes:

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I am sorry to read that your son is having problems with the secondary school. :GroupHug: This does not sound fair, or like it has been thoroughly investigated either.

 

As a primary school teacher I understand what you mean. We often wonder how some of the children will cope with secondary school when they leave us, for a number of reasons.

 

At primary school the children frequently have the same teacher day in, day out, all year, so as you say, the teacher normally gets a handle on children's problems and is able to read the signs you mention more quickly. At secondary school they can have a number of different teachers a day, who just don't get to know the children well enough. :(

 

Some children are very good at manipulating a situation. ie the bully knows that there are not so many teachers around when they are swapping classes, so a good time to cause trouble. Particularly if it is a large school.

 

It would be worth going to the school with someone else, if only to remember everything that is said inthe meeting. The school should have a special needs co-ordinator. It maybe worth making an appointment to see them and ask why the incidents are not logged and also why the members of staff do not seem to have been made aware or your son's needs.

 

Good luck :GroupHug:

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Thanks for all the support. I thought I'd update you all - #3 sons form tutor has reported a different side to Gareth - more confident after making bully eat wall............. However, he's still totally disorganised (another detention tonight for forgetting his science book and pen and not working in class or handing in his homework - he says the homework was done at the end of the previous lesson and handed in when teacher asked for their books ? ) He's already been on report card for 2 weeks, but this hasn't made any difference what so ever............

 

The most frustrating thing is he's so capable - predicted 6's for several subject at end of year 7

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My youngest son had the same problem with being disorganised. (He has ADHD + Aspbergers)

 

He was told to write down everything that he needed in his school dairy. That way we could remind him what to pack for the next day, with the prompting gradually getting less over time. It has helped him. As has getting older, I suppose. The first year, and a bit less so second year, he found tough going when he moved to high school. Seems to have settled down now.

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Do you know , I have been at work as a SENCo in school since 7.45 this morning, until around 5.45. I have had two meetings beofre school, taught for 3 hours,managed 15 Learning Support Assistants, dealt with kids thrown out of other lessons, kids running out of school, kids spitting at teachers, planned for tommorows lessons, dealt with umpteen phonecall,filled in 20 page form for help for a pupil, dealt with numerous interpersonal problems for the students, filled in a 10 page referal for a place at a pupil referal Unit, done 2 annual reviews. Had a 10 min wee break, been shouted at by parents twice, because we are not mind readers and we are trying to help children adjust to the world, rather than vice versa. Been called a fuclking old bag by a girl, had two boys square up to me. Tried very hard not to shout at them and stop them intimidating other staff members. Been told by the LEA that I need to magic more suport out of nowhere for an autistic boy with 15 hours on his statement who we are currently giving 18 to. and loads of other phone answering and juggling problems

 

and I come on here and see people calling similar hard working people "numpties" for not being mind readers, not picking up on the same nuances that parents do, have you any idea hopw many students teachers dela with per week? how many pupils have special needs in one week

I for one am sick to death with people who thnk "kick up a stink " is a way to deal with it, what wonderful role models you are for your children

 

Tired , sick to death of puerile comments, teacher

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