Laura_E Posted March 19, 2010 Report Share Posted March 19, 2010 Thanks for the advice, it's much appreciated I actually know the DV worker in my area very well as I often refer young people to her. I've placed several young ladies into DV hostels in the past and even teach self-defence at the youth club- this is what I mean about feeling like a fraud! It's not so easy to recognise when it's happening to you though. Things have been quiet for the past couple of weeks now. I'd like to think that it means things are coming to a head, but I doubt it. Thank you for the links, I will look into them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owl Posted March 19, 2010 Report Share Posted March 19, 2010 It's very insidious and creeps up on you. I once talked to a lady who had years of experience working with DV clients, and she still ended up on the wrong end of it in her own home and had to flee. Please do not feel like a fraud. It can happen to anyone, and no one here will disrespect you for being in this situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kats inc Posted March 24, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2010 Thanks for the advice, it's much appreciated I actually know the DV worker in my area very well as I often refer young people to her. I've placed several young ladies into DV hostels in the past and even teach self-defence at the youth club- this is what I mean about feeling like a fraud! It's not so easy to recognise when it's happening to you though. Things have been quiet for the past couple of weeks now. I'd like to think that it means things are coming to a head, but I doubt it. Thank you for the links, I will look into them. During my time of living with DV I was working with children and families who were subjected to DV,I was doing child protection work,I was a member of the Zero Tolerance to DV campaign and attended and supported the launch of that on live TV so know all too well that feeling of 'fraud'.It's easy to be objective with other people but not so easy when it's yourself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cycas Posted July 7, 2010 Report Share Posted July 7, 2010 Dragging this one out of the depths because a (male) friend of mine is going through a tough time, and the way his wife is behaving reminded me very much of this thread - not in terms of physical violence, but controlling manipulative behaviour. He is a househusband and the primary carer for their small child, and it seems that he can do nothing right. But all of the resources about this seem to be worded as if the abused person is always female, so linking him to them seems to carry the wrong message. Does anyone know of helpful resources on this that are not gender specific? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura_E Posted July 7, 2010 Report Share Posted July 7, 2010 He could try Mens Advice Line: http://www.mensadviceline.org.uk/mens_advice.php There should also be a domestic violence outreach service within his local authority. I am currently working with a young man who is being subjected to domestic violence (although by his sibling, not partner). When I rang up the Refuge helpline for details of DV hostels, they could only find ONE in the entire south of England that accepted men. I think we don't hear about it as much because it is a taboo subject, and I imagine a lot of men are too embarrassed to admit it is going on, but it clearly does. I hope your friend finds the help that he needs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happylittlegreensquirrel Posted November 16, 2010 Report Share Posted November 16, 2010 Just bumping this thread up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruthi (borrowadog) Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 I always want to mark the anniversary of reading this fabulous thread for the first time. Its been five years. The first was pretty hard, he harrassed me, tried to steal Tiger several times, got himself a formal warning from the police, and in the end lost the court case over our jointly owned house (he'd decided unilaterally that our agreement on shares wasn't to his liking - oops!). I still shake when I think about that time, and I still shake if I see someone similar to him wearing a baseball cap - especially if Tiger is off the lead at the time. But since then I have met and married the love of my life, who never bullies or belittles me, because he's just fine with who he is. Who loves me despite my undoubted weaknesses, and supports me when I bring yet another (canine) waif into our home. If I want to spend time with friends or family he dog sits (and doesn't criticise them!) I'm running a successful business, and my employees like me! How lucky am is this woman? Jules, thank you again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happylittlegreensquirrel Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 I used this thread for reference the other week as I needed to get advice for someone who is in a very bad domestic situation and the links and posts here really helped I hope she does half as well as you have Ruthi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kats n greys Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 I always want to mark the anniversary of reading this fabulous thread for the first time. Its been five years. The first was pretty hard, he harrassed me, tried to steal Tiger several times, got himself a formal warning from the police, and in the end lost the court case over our jointly owned house (he'd decided unilaterally that our agreement on shares wasn't to his liking - oops!). I still shake when I think about that time, and I still shake if I see someone similar to him wearing a baseball cap - especially if Tiger is off the lead at the time. But since then I have met and married the love of my life, who never bullies or belittles me, because he's just fine with who he is. Who loves me despite my undoubted weaknesses, and supports me when I bring yet another (canine) waif into our home. If I want to spend time with friends or family he dog sits (and doesn't criticise them!) I'm running a successful business, and my employees like me! How lucky am is this woman? Jules, thank you again! Fantastic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazz Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 im so pleased to hear that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purple_mog Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 borrowing from this excellent thread to pass on to a friend of a friend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruthi (borrowadog) Posted January 13, 2013 Report Share Posted January 13, 2013 Another anniversary coming up, and I have NOT forgotten! Such a shame this board has gone inactive! Today passed a couple in a supermarket car park, and although there was nothing obvious, I KNEW she was frightened of him. I think its time I looked for some voluntary work in this area. I no longer shake thinking of himself, but I haven't forgotten the feeling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yantan Posted January 14, 2013 Report Share Posted January 14, 2013 It's nice to see you hear Ruthi. Other parts of the forum are still active if you feel like joining us from time to time You keep going onwards and upwards and good luck for when you start do some voluntary work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruthi (borrowadog) Posted January 17, 2015 Report Share Posted January 17, 2015 I didn't exactly miss last year,just didn't feel like posting after some fairly crass comments which I am pleased to see have been removed. We lost Tiger 18 months ago, to liver disease. I still miss him but its nice not to be pushed out of my own bed! Seamus has a new friend in little Jimmy a chi x pom,with a large dollop of gremlin. He was an emergency foster and Seamus asked if he could stay. But poor Seamus has suffered many health problems and at only nine is already elderly! Seamus his not the only one to have health problems,but mine are due to extended stress! I wonder what that might have been? I am still SO grateful this thread started. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owl Posted January 17, 2015 Report Share Posted January 17, 2015 Hi Ruthi, good to hear from you. RIP over the Bridge, Seamus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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